


Blades Up

by winryrockbae



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: F/M, and also fucking but that's not until later because they're both as dense as a block of cement, and byleth is too busy waving fish at cats to consider having feelings??, and he's like "i will run her thru with my blade", eventually there will be smut because i can't control myself, everyone is like hey felix do u have feelings for the professor, felix has the emotional capacity of a bowl of popcorn, i have so many feelings about these two, no beta we die like Glenn, sylvain is just like okay sure you will little buddy be sure to use protection, they display affection by sword fighting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-03
Updated: 2020-03-26
Packaged: 2020-10-06 04:16:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20500733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winryrockbae/pseuds/winryrockbae
Summary: Even when fatigued he’s always on such high alert. Byleth can see it out of the corner of her eye as she runs her fingertips along the hilts of the training blades. To get the jump on him would be near impossible, crossing blades with someone who was able to slither past Felix’s gaze would be a match worth having. A wooden sword is selected and she holds it before herself, shifting to a more nimble stance.“Are you just going to stand there? Blade up, Fraldarius.”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I just have a lot of feelings about these two. This is going to get long probably.

He was feline in everything he did, from the lithe movement of his lean form to the piercing stare he could offer from those amber eyes. And like a cat, his interactions needed to be on his terms and in his element lest he slink away with little regard for what he was leaving behind. Among the others at the monastery he was held in high regard, even from the professors. 

None more so than his own professor, the mint haired mercenary. With her quiet gaze she observed, every once in a while offering a suggestion to aid in his training. But he hardly needed it, his skill with the blade would soon surpass hers and the thought of her student excelling as such caused her heart to swell with pride. 

“Professor, how about you spar with me instead of just watching from the sidelines? My current partner isn’t much of a challenge.” Felix slid his sword into the scabbard hanging at his waist, and nodded towards the wooden training dummy that was decorated with notches of varying depth. 

“I can’t just drop everything to spar with you whenever you like.” Came the easy reply from her place seated against the wall, a test graded and moved to another pile before she started on the next. It was a conversation they’d had many times and she was sure many more to come. “I’m in the middle of something.” 

“What good are grades going to do when battle arises? Strength is all that matters.” He scoffed and peeled his gloves off one at a time before starting on his vest. It appeared that her reluctance to move had encouraged him to take a moment to catch his breath. His vest was added to the pile with his gloves, chest rising and falling with each exhausted breath. Sweat beaded on his skin, someone less driven would call it a day but Byleth could tell that he wasn’t going to just keel over before she gave in and picked up a blade. 

“Don’t forget to drink water.” Byleth reminded him without looking up, marking a wrong answer on Inrgrid’s test. Vaguely she heard the swordsman grumble, but paid no mind to him as she stared at the paper in her hands. A slight pout formed on her lips, Ingrid had studied hard for this test. She’d caught the girl slumped over books at nearly every opportunity. 

It turned out that without Sothis inhabiting her body, Byleth’s emotions were becoming easier and easier to express and when she placed the test down she felt something she can only call guilt as the red mark glared up at her. She had to do better as a professor next time. 

“Are you even listening to me?” The clank of a water flask against stone caught Byleth’s attention, her light gaze peering up from under messy bangs. 

“I wasn’t, no.” 

He was perceptive enough to know that there was something on her mind, though she didn’t wear her emotions on her sleeve there were small telltale signs he had grown used to seeing. For a moment, his features softened as he looked upon her and she couldn’t help but feel scrutinized under his gaze. 

A soft huff of breath escaped from between her lips and she blew a strand of mint hair from her eyes, it would be far more comfortable to be grading at her desk but spending an equal amount of time either each of her students was growing more difficult by the day. A morning with Dedue in the garden and afternoon spent with Ashe and Mercedes in the kitchens hadn’t left much time for her to coach her most intense student. 

“Why are you frowning?” 

“I am?” 

“Yes, Professor. You are.” His usually sharp voice was muffled, hair tie held between his lips as he ran long fingers through his dark strands. 

“I don’t like giving bad marks.” 

“Well then they should do better.” 

“Your hair is much longer than I imagined it.” Eager to change the subject she finished marking the last of the pile, neatening it up before resting her head against the wall with a sigh. She watched as he expertly tied his hair up in a well practiced motion while allowing her thoughts to wander once more. Ever since coming to the monastery she found that she’s a different type of tired than when she was a mercenary. Those days with Jeralt seemed so long ago, when she would fall asleep at night with only ache in her muscles and bones. But now at the end of the day, every part of her was equally drained and fulfilled, and perhaps she had still not adjusted to it. 

“Don’t imagine my hair.” 

“Too late, I already have.” 

He huffs, clearly biting back a retort as she shifted and stood with a stretch. Byleth watched his sharp eyes narrow as he watched her muscles flex under exposed skin, his own poised to leap aside as if she might suddenly lunge at him. 

Even when fatigued he’s always on such high alert, Byleth could see it out of the corner of her eye as she ran her fingertips along the hilts of the training blades. To get the jump on him would be near impossible, crossing blades with someone who was able to slither past Felix’s gaze would be a match worth having. A wooden sword was selected and she held it up before herself, her practiced frame subtly shifted into a more nimble stance. 

“Are you just going to stand there? Blade up, Fraldarius.” 

He was ready before she could even get the words out and a smile twitched at her lips as they circled each other like alley cats, each one searching for an opening before darting in. Had they an audience, the spectators would be perched on the edges of their seats, breaths held in anticipation of who was going to strike first. In addition to Catherine, the two of them were the strongest swordsmen in the monastery and their fights were always nothing more than flashes of movement that could captivate even the most stubborn of onlookers. 

Her shoulder dropped slightly and he lunged in, perhaps a ploy to knock her off balance. But those keen eyes of hers didn’t miss a thing and she twirled to the side, as graceful and smooth as a dancer. If Felix had a disposition similar to his redheaded classmate, he may have been stunned by the sight of her. But the dark haired nobleman wasn’t one to be swayed so easily. An admittedly pretty face wasn’t enough to deter him from his goal of besting her. 

Her training blade flashed out, blocked quickly by his own. Byleth’s gaze flicked over his frame, sweat beading on his neck and chest, movements slowed. It was clear that his muscles felt heavy, the hours of training were catching up with him as he sucked in a breath and pushed his body forward. He wouldn’t relent, there was no quitting when you wanted to be the best. Swords cracked together again and again as he drove forward with his teeth ground in an attempt to push her back, to get her to falter in her defense just once. 

Alternatively, Byleth had spent the day with other tasks, strengthening bonds and running errands. Her muscles were grateful for the exercise and with each arc of the blade she felt her movements becoming easier. It wasn’t hard to see he was growing tired, though his maneuvers still put most of the other students to shame - He was nowhere near at his best. With a quick duck and lunge forward she was able to rest her blade against his throat. 

He scoffed at his defeat and dropped his sword to the ground. It was hard for him to believe that a little thing like her could repeatedly beat him in combat, so soft and delicate looking with so much strength hidden underneath. His admiration was strong, even stronger after such a match in which he could tell she didn’t hold back despite the way he hadn’t been at his best.

“You pushed yourself too hard today. No more training. Get some rest.” Without a thought Byleth pressed her hand against his chest to feel the rapid thumping of his heart under her fingertips. It was soothing. The quickened beat of his heart against his ribs as he looked down at her. 

He’s grown taller….. 

A stray thought as she shook her head, clearing it of her strange thoughts as her pupil smirked down at her. He wasn’t much taller, nowhere near as tall as Sylvain or Dedue, but somehow he had surpassed her height without her realizing. 

“You didn’t even lose your breath.” His own seemed to be caught in his chest. From exertion or proximity it wasn’t clear. 

“You weren’t at your best.” Byleth mused. There was only a thin layer of fabric between her fingers and his skin, still burning hot with exertion. “You’re sweaty, tired, overheated. The training grounds will be here tomorrow. Call it a night, Felix.” Byleth could feel the muscles of his stomach tense as she slid her hand from his heart to his stomach before she let it hang limply at her side.

His heart stuttered half a beat as those delicate fingers slid down his frame, but as quickly as she had bested him she gathered her things and with a swish of her cloak she was gone.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's been a while since i've flexed my writing muscles, so i hope you all enjoy!

_ **FELIX** _

* * *

Her fingers had barely brushed against his tunic and yet his chest burned like fire the entire walk back to the dormitory. He thought of anything he could to distract himself from it. He ran through the topics he needs to study that night after a trip to the sauna, his plan for the mission later in the month, even considered what he might like to have for breakfast. But despite his strength of will nothing worked and he could feel the confusion (or rather, inexperience) give rise to fury. It coiled in his chest, burning even hotter than the ghostly remains of her touch. 

He was acting foolish. It wasn’t as if the professor’s delicate hand brushing against him hadn’t been the first time he’d ever been touched by a girl. Ingrid had hung all over him and Sylvain as children, even as young adults she never received the memo that he wasn’t a cuddly little kid anymore and he found her affection far more irritating than endearing.

Then there were the commoner girls that his classmate brought around. More often than not Sylvain’s antics didn’t affect him, so until they did Felix was content to ignore them and focus on his training. However, every once in a while the redhead would grow bold - bringing a girl home along with a friend she was loathe to part with in the hopes of bringing them both to his room. When that endeavor failed he’d try his hardest to enlist Felix’s aid before both girls took their leave. 

Sometimes those girls were shy and sweet enough that the swordsman almost felt guilty being so cold to them. But other times they were rowdy and loosened up by whatever drinks Sylvain had bought them in town. The three of them would show up to the dormitories completely sloshed, leaving Felix to snarl and spit like an angry cat when he was somehow roped into their antics. 

Not so long ago there was a girl who had crawled into his lap and wrapped herself around him. Her knees caged his thighs and her skirts spread around them in soft fabric waves, her lips pressed unceremoniously to his as she pawed at his clothing. He’d stood abruptly, dumping the unsuspecting girl onto the carpet before taking his leave. It wasn’t her fault, she was a common girl trying to cater to the nobles that had graciously taken notice of her in hopes of clawing her way up the social ladder.

Until he reached his room he could hear Sylvain simpering to the girls, assuring them he would treat them better. 

“All’s well that ends well!” Was what Sylvain had chirped to him the next morning when he showed up to training far more disheveled than he had in the past. It didn’t take a genius to reach the conclusion that Felix’s coldness had worked out in the redhead’s favor. 

But even then Felix hadn’t felt like this. The strange girl had been pretty with bright eyes and pouty lips, not nearly as stunning as the professor but almost as pretty as Dorothea. But her touch hadn’t set him alight. His thoughts were consumed by the two experiences as he reached his room to carefully drop off his weapons and armor in favor of bath supplies. 

He ignored Ingrid calling out to him as he passed by her open door though, though a curl of amusement tugged at the corners of his lips as he heard her huff after him and scold him once more for his rudeness. 

Then he’s alone. 

The empty saunawasis warm and inviting and with agile grace akin to that of a wildcat he wasted no time in shedding his robe and sliding into his favorite bath near the back wall. Lean form hardly created so much as a ripple on the water as he sank in up to his shoulders. His muscles that had been screaming for repose went slack with the relief. Felix wasn’t sure what they put in the water here but there was a distinct herb smell that lingered around the baths. By now he’s found it almost comforting, he’s fallen into a routine in which the smell causes him to relax and breathe easier. 

He adjusted himself, sitting up and letting the warm air kiss his shoulders as he freed his hair. Long dark strands stuck to his skin before he rested his head against the back of the tub and closed his eyes with a tired sigh. For a while, his thoughts were standard and overall bland. He ran through his day and critiqued himself on his swordsmanship while noting what worked well and what he needed to improve upon. Then his thoughts started to wander. 

He couldn’t help the sinful imagery that filled his mind, he’s too at peace to argue with himself over the inkling of desire that he felt prodding at him. It’s innocent enough at first, wondering if the professor’s hands were as delicate as they looked or if he held them would he feel callouses earned from various weaponry? Either way he was sure that her small hand would feel heavenly wrapped around him. 

And her lips were still so soft and pink and goddamn plush, somehow untouched from all the battles she’d been through. He wouldn’t be surprised if she tasted divine. Lately she’d been more expressive as well. Lips twitching into a smile at her classes antics or pursed in thought. Most recently they’d parted slightly in surprise and Felix can’t help but wonder if the inside of her mouth was warm, what it would feel like to slide a finger or two between her lips. 

Under the water his cock twitched with interest and he scoffed at himself. He didn’t have time for this. He tried to think of other things but his mind was disobedient, each thought about the professor became more risque than the last. 

Teeth ground in frustration and he pushed himself out of the water with a huff before he stalked to the showers. Internally he’s frenzied, his thoughts bouncing around like an owlet unwilling to land but eager to keep going. He thinks of her lips, her breasts, her eyes, her curves. He turned on the cold water, but it still poured lukewarm from the faucet. 

It’s not until he imagined taking her against one of the pillars at the training grounds that he smashed his fist into the wall and let out a soft hiss of air from between his teeth. At that moment the water goes cold and cruelly hit his back like tiny pebbles. His muscles tensed and screamed at him, begging him to go back to the warm baths. With an iron will he remained hunched over in the hopes that the cold will erase his sins. 

However, his will wasn’t the only thing that remains hardened. With a reluctant hand he stroked himself and nearly moaned at the warmth of his palm against his tender flesh. An experimental pump had his forehead pressed against the wall. After a moment his hand started to move of its own accord, increasing in speed and creating the sweetest friction. 

It’s shameful, the way he imagined his professor. The only woman of her kind, the Ashen Demon, someone who could best him in a spar without breaking a sweat. He thought of her on her knees, his hands tangled tight in that light hair of hers as he slid himself into her waiting mouth. And she took him in with the same quiet acceptance she did most things. But what really got him was the way she looked at him with those eyes. She nearly looked like a doe, nothing but soft submission. 

He grunted, grateful that no one else showered as late as him while he worked himself faster. His grip tightened and the noise he made was raspy. He hadn’t done this since Glenn gave him some adult fiction as a preteen. The cold water that pelted his back did nothing to calm him down now as he pumped his hand up and down his length, achingly hard as he imagined her knelt before him with all her ivory skin bared. He pictured her waiting for him, cooing to him in that melodic voice. “Come Felix, come for me…...” 

And then he did. His orgasm snuck up on him and the swordsman blew his load all over the shower wall. He didn’t move until after the water had washed the last of the evidence down the drain and his breathing returned to normal. The dial on the shower was far too loud as he turned the water off, it squeaked as if it were trying to alert the entire campus to his sin. He gathered his things shamefully, head ducked and hair still wet as he left the empty sauna. He moved as though his actions were flashing above him like a crest, cheeks burned with humiliation. The walk back to his room was quick and hazy, exhaustion in all its forms took root in his being. The door had hardly clicked shut when he threw himself on the bed with a sigh. He was asleep before he could get under the covers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have no idea where this is going i'm just as curious as you guys
> 
> EDIT: after most chapters i'll have some polls on this thread to help with the direction of the story, please vote!!  
https://twitter.com/winryrockbae/status/1167839787425959937


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, Byleth has a thought.

** _ BYLETH _ **

* * *

He’d grown both more distant and more attentive, and had it been anyone other than Felix Byleth would have deemed such a task impossible. The swordsman handled the sudden change in their dynamic like everything else - with raw determination and a liquid grace befitting a dancer. Much like an unfriendly cat, he would often linger about just on the outskirts of her peripherals but by the time her gaze was turned to him he had already started on his way somewhere else. 

It irked her. 

He watched her with such an attentive look in his eyes, but the moment she even thought to question him or even meet his eyes he became aloof and careless. Felix had taken to waving her off with a remark about how the other students must be desiring her attention. Going on about how he can train on his own for now, Ashe needs all the extra help he can get. 

Her frustration reached its peak on a Sunday afternoon. 

“Professor, I had a question about the upcoming mission.” Dimitri had approached her after a seminar, ever polite with Sylvain lingering by his elbow. The two boys next to each other was humorous, their differences clear from their stances and her lips turned upwards with the tiniest bit of amusement. 

“I had the same question.” The redhead offered with his hands crossed behind his head. His gloved fingertips disappeared into those messy red locks while Dimitri stood as straight as a pin. Byleth hardly spared either of them a glance, she hadn’t been about to ask Sylvain why he was there. 

“Ask away. I’ll do my best to answer.” The boys began to ask their question, supplementing each as they spoke. They were focused mostly on strategy and she was quick to understand it wasn’t so much a question as it was them seeking approval on their idea. Which admittedly was quite good. Byleth tucked her papers into the leather folder on her desk and her sharp gaze caught movement just outside the classroom door. 

She didn’t have to see him to know it was Felix. Anyone else would have missed him, just as she knew he was the only one that could move quite that stealthily. Byleth could feel her patience with this new Felix stretch and snap like a band, the force of it caused her to exhale in a huff as she stood abruptly. Dimitri stopped talking, brows knitted in concern as Sylvain questioned her - both pupils ignored. “Felix, why don’t you join us?” Anger bubbled up in her throat as he sauntered in, Dimitri and Sylvain none the wiser as to why their classmate was the source of her outburst. 

“Thanks for the invitation, Professor.” He spoke coolly with a smug look upon his features as he took a seat. It was hard to tell if he was playing it cool or if he was genuinely that unbothered by how he’d gotten under her skin. Perhaps he hadn’t even been trying. “Go on then, finish what you were saying.” 

Her lips remained pursed and her arms were crossed over her chest as she attempted to sort out her newly found emotions. She did not oblige Felix’s request and stubbornly remained quiet. The silence between the four of them was broken when Dimitri cleared his throat and excused himself. Tactlessly Sylvain joined him, arm slung loosely over the Prince’s shoulder while his lanky form nearly toppled the blond. 

The tension is broken when Byleth deflated, her frustration gave way to worry. This was probably her fault. She must have done something as a professor that upset him and he was too prideful to admit it. It took a moment of mulling words over in her head before she could formulate a thought, but unfortunately what she said wasn’t what she had planned. And she definitely hadn’t planned to blurt it out in a panic. “What’s your problem?”

In typical Felix fashion he remained impassive. He was betrayed only by a slight twitch of his eyebrow and a quiet, yet sharp, intake of breath. With impeccable balance he leaned back in his chair and Byleth resisted the urge to kick those two legs out from under him to get rid of that stupid smug look on his face. “I don’t have one.” 

“Why have you been following me?” 

“That’s a little self-centered, Professor.” 

“Felix.” Her tone held warning. 

“Alright fine. I’ll stop.” 

“Why were you-” 

“I said I’ll stop, so just drop it.” There was a clatter as he leaned forward in his chair before getting to his feet and heading towards the door. “I’ll see you tonight for sparring, regular time.” 

Before Byleth was able to protest he was gone and she was left with her mouth hanging open in shock. In a huff she gathered her papers and stomped out of the classroom, taking a sharp turn away from her quarters to head up to the cathedral. She’d check the advice box before dinner. The walk was peaceful apart from a small cat that followed her for a few minutes while meowing incessantly. Once it figured out she didn’t have any fish for it, the animal turned around with it’s tail in the air to join it’s friends down by the docks. 

She was greeted by a nun and Byleth nodded to the woman before she took a seat in the back pew. Everything was confusing, from her thoughts to her feelings. She didn’t know what she felt, and with the absence of both her father and Sothis she didn’t have anyone to ask. Manuela likely wouldn’t be helpful and Hanneman would only want to analyze her. She couldn’t put it on her students and her father’s warnings about Rhea were still fresh in her mind. That ruled out Seteth as well.

A flash of green hair caught her attention and for a moment Byleth thought that perhaps Rhea could read minds and had invited herself to the pews. But it was only Flayn, her delicate footsteps carried her towards the altar where she bowed her head and prayed. 

Ashe appeared from a side door and after a moment of hesitation he joined her. The two of them murmured softly together until two heads bow, one silver and one seafoam lowered in prayer. All was still for a minute or two until the goddess herself seemed to breathe life into the pair and Flayn giggled while a dusting of pink covered Ashe’s freckled cheeks. 

Seteth would lose his mind if he were to see this. The thought gave Byleth some strange satisfaction that Flayn was able to grow here despite being so sheltered - perhaps the same would hold true for herself. 

Flayn gave a small bow before she retreated towards the saint statues and Byleth couldn’t help but notice the way Ashe paused as if to follow her, only to pace around the rest of the cathedral until slipping out the side door. It was remarkably like the way Felix had snuck around just to catch a glimpse, but the thought made her chuckle to herself as she stood and gathered her things to head to dinner. 

Felix didn’t have a crush. 

The thought of it brought color to her cheeks and Byleth bowed her head slightly as her footsteps quickened. 

It had to be something else. Felix Hugo Fraldarius didn’t get crushes…. Did he?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have lots of good and fun things planned for this story, follow my twitter @winryrockbae for updates :)
> 
> STORY POLL THREAD: https://twitter.com/winryrockbae/status/1167839787425959937


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lull in her duties at the Monastery has the weight of Byleth's father's death catching up to her and Felix wants to help her back to her regular self, even though his version of comforting someone is equivalent to petting them from afar with a broom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is 100% not how i plotted this chapter out but i started writing and this is what happened so this is where we are now

_ **FELIX** _

* * *

It had taken Felix a while to pin down this particular feeling, but he finally discerned it as worry. 

Byleth had been withdrawn for a worrisome amount of time. Her emotional progress, while slow, was always consistent. Now it was brought to an abrupt, screeching halt. The tiny smiles and soft laughs that had been becoming more frequent were gone, as were the furrows or her brow or the occasional purse of her lips. 

There were whispers among the monastery that she had never stopped being the Ashen Demon. The death of her father seemed to have done little to phase her. Leonie had been broken to pieces over it, and yet Byleth had never shed a single tear or spared a visit to the cathedral to bow her head in prayer. 

But Felix could tell even then that the woman was mourning, in her own way. Her interactions with students slipped back to her start as a professor. They seemed to be things that she was required to do, not anything that she enjoyed. The meals were shorter and far more quiet and the tea times were few and far between. When training with Felix, she moved as if she were a puppet on a string. There was no drive behind her movements and she offered no words of encouragement or advice whenever she bested him. Simply thanked him for the spar and was on her way. 

Not a soul could say that she was failing her students as their prowess continued, but Felix couldn’t help but feel they were failing her after seeing her sitting at the end of the dock one alone evening with puffy red eyes. She’d fled before he could approach her. Her keen mercenary’s hearing had detected his near silent footsteps from several yards away and in a flurry of light green hair and dark cloak she had been gone. 

Why now? It had been months since Jeralt’s death. If she was going to cry over him, shouldn’t she have done it months ago? 

As emotionally stunted as he was, Felix was self aware of that fact to a certain degree. He knew that his line of thought was dangerous, bordering or selfish or cruel - but he had never taken the professor for an emotional woman. Or someone who needed an extended amount of time to mourn. 

His thoughts carried him to her quarters and before he could give a second thought to what he was doing he raised his fist and gave a sharp rap on the door. 

“Professor! I know you’re in there.” His words escaped him far more harshly than he intended for them to, but the sharpness seemed to have an effect on the woman hidden away inside. There was a shuffling and she opened the door after a moment. 

Her appearance nearly shocked Felix to retreat, but he remained glued to the spot. Her light hair was messy, pulled back into a crooked ponytail. There were prominent dark circles under her eyes, bloodshot and puffy. A quick glance behind her frame revealed that her quarters mirrored her visage. Papers scattered across the floor and desk, graded and piled haphazardly in what appeared to be no particular order. Her bed was unmade and covered in clothes, blankets and sheets tangled together as if she’d thrashed around in them. 

“Felix, I-” 

“You’re a mess.” 

A noise of agreement escaped her as she took a step back, wordlessly inviting him in. There had been a lapse at the Monastery lately, the world was in chaos but within the walls of Garreg Mach things seemed to be strangely mundane. Her adrenaline had faded. It was clear that with no imminent tasks before her it seemed as though her grief had caught up to her tenfold. 

“I haven’t been sleeping well.” 

Felix didn’t ask why, but it’s not hard to discern that it has something to do with her father’s death. Or perhaps it was something that had to do with what happened when she was drawn into the darkness only to return with lighter hair and eyes. “You’re not any sort of sparring partner like this.” He waved his arm in a loose gesture, both at her and the state of her bedroom. “I expected more from you.” 

Her face is an emotionless mask, but he wondered if his words stung her even the slightest bit. After a moment he stooped and started sorting her papers into neater piles. He frowned slightly when he realized how many were ungraded and pressed his palm against his forehead. 

“I’m working on it. You don’t have to-” 

“Go take a bath. I’ll deal with this.” His tone left no room for argument, he watched as she mechanically gathered up her towel and a clean set of clothes before leaving him alone. 

He’s not good at comforting others. But he’s neat and organized, so that was something that he could do for her. Scowl set in his features when he opened the window and a fresh breeze rolled in, graded papers slipped into a leather folder to be distributed back to the students. 

It’s most likely not proper for him to be looking at his classmates' grades, but he didn’t care enough to mention it to any of them. He wasn’t Sylvain, who Felix assumed would mercilessly tease his classmates over their marks. He’s just finished making the bed when she returned in a soft tunic and light breeches. Damp hair stuck to her cheeks and already she looked better. Not back to her regular self, but there was definitely improvement in both her appearance and demeanor. 

Her eyes widened slightly as she looked around the room and a grateful smile touched her features. It made him bite back his own smile, instead he directed his gaze out the window. “Well, I’ll be going now. Come spar with me tomorrow morning.” 

“Wait. Please. Just stay for a while longer. Your company is…. nice.” 

It was clear that she needed this, that she’s been shut away so long and she ached for companionship. He sat on the edge of her bed and without hesitation she sat next to him. There was a peaceful quiet between them for a few minutes before she broke it and spoke in a soft monotone voice. “I keep dreaming about the moment it happened. How powerless I was.” 

“It’s no use to keep living in the past. There’s nothing you could have done.” Felix scoffed at her. 

“You’re right. And I know you are. But it doesn’t make it any easier to fall asleep knowing that I’m going to have to relive the worst moment of my life.”

“Hm.” 

There was nothing he could offer her apart from his presence and his gaze fell to the window once more. Curtains fluttered, soft breeze brought in the sounds from the monastery. They sounded so distant. A dog barking, students talking and laughing in the courtyard, the rustle of leaves on the tree outside and birds chirping to one another. It was peaceful. 

A weight on his shoulder surprised him, followed by a warmth against his side when his professor drifted off. He remained still, even when her damp hair started to soak through the shoulder of his tunic and his arm fell asleep. She looked peaceful, despite the nightmares she’d confessed to him earlier. She hardly stirred when he gently moved her down to the bed or when he stood and covered her with a blanket.The sun had begun to set and it doused her room with a soft orange glow, illuminating her features as he pushed her bangs back from her eyes as she slept. 

He lingered awkwardly and hesitated before sitting by her on the bed, finding a book and skimming through the pages without really reading the words. He stayed with her until the daylight had faded and he could no longer make out the print of the text. 

He would have liked to have stayed with her longer, and had he known that she’d awaken from a nightmare shortly after he left he would have. 

◌ ◌ ◌

The next morning she meet him at the training grounds looking nearly back to her old self. To both his frustration and delight she didn’t hold back and beat him roundly in a spar. He’d nearly forgotten what she looked like in motion, fierce and unstoppable with an indescribable power behind her swings. Her footwork was as light as a ghost and with every step she took and every swing she parried he made a note to practice it later. 

After the third time she leveled her wooden blade at his throat it was placed back along the wall with the other training weapons. 

“Glad to have you back.” Felix said. 

“It’s good to be back.” 

Her cheeks were flushed from the exertion and there were a few cuts and bruises on her hands and fingers where he’d clipped her with the training blade, but they were nothing to the welts he was sure he was covered with under his uniform. All in all, a good session. 

“You gave me plenty to work on, thank you.” 

“Felix, I should be thanking you.” 

The weight of her words made it clear that she was referring to far more than their sparring session.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me on twitter @winryrockbae and make sure to yell at me to update my fics.
> 
> i also offer fic commissions, information is on my ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/berry013


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Byleth knows that Felix isn't the best with words, but he finds another way to express his emotions.

* * *

_ **BYLETH** _

* * *

Their days had been filled with nothing but preparations following Edelgard’s usurpation of her own father. Byleth found herself straight out day after day, hardly able to take a breath as her responsibilities doubled and then tripled. Sparring sessions with the students were drastically reduced, her classes were rushed and often cancelled in lieu of her sitting in on war council meetings and being sent out with the knights. 

When they did have class, she pushed through the material with purpose while leaving little room for questions or observations. There was a war coming and she wanted to make sure her students were as prepared as possible for whatever might happen on the battlefield. 

“Professor, I’m worried about you.” Mercedes spoke up after class one day, the other Blue Lions and Blue Lion recruits lingering in the background. It wasn’t lost on Byleth how they all took their time packing up. Her gaze swept the room, landing on Ashe who was putting his papers in his bag one at a time in order to delay his departure. 

So they’d all talked of it. Spoken amongst themselves their concern for her, the dark circles under her eyes and the late nights spent pouring over books and plans until her candle burnt itself out. Without a thought, she sought out Felix and it felt like a punch in the gut to find him leaning against a pillar, arms crossed as he watched her intently. He had already seen her at her worst, perhaps he was worried it would show itself again. Did he think her weak? 

“I appreciate your concern, Mercedes, but there is nothing that can be done. Preparations must be made to ensure the safety of everyone here.” 

“I-we think that you’re pushing yourself too hard.” 

“All of you think this?” She looked over all her students, almost defensively. It was kind of them to worry, but if she were to slack on their training it could mean their very lives. A murmur rose from the group, even Felix gave a halfhearted shrug of his shoulders. It seemed as though they were all in agreement. A soft sigh as she tucked her papers under one arm, they would no doubt be relentless until she assured them of her plans to rest. “I’ll go to bed early tonight.” 

There’s a unanimous sigh of relief from her students, each of them looked as though a weight had been lifted from their shoulders. 

“Professor, please remember that you’ve taught us well. We are as capable as we are because of you.” Dimitri fell into step beside her, Dedue at his elbow with Sylvain and Annette trailing behind. The others agreed with the prince’s words, various reiterations of the same compliment rose and fell from the group as they escorted her to her room. 

“We will all be okay until morning.” Annette’s voice was as cheerful as ever, the girl’s fingers laced together under her chin. “Really.” 

“I’ll be very upset if that’s not the case.” Byleth’s exhaustion was creeping up on her. It felt like a set of serpents, twining their way around her frame from the ankles up and slowly squeezing the energy out of her. With a curt goodnight to her students she shut the door and rubbed her eyes with the heel of her hand before lighting a candle. 

Her candle has burnt down nearly halfway, wax dripped and polled on the brass plate underneath it - and she still did not yield. There was too much to be done. Preparations to be made, lessons to plan, weapons to sharpen and armor to mend. Far more trivial were the essays and tests left abandoned, ungraded and nearly forgotten piled atop her desk. 

She’s just barely slipped the whetstone down the length of her dagger before there was a sharp rap on the door. Her body protested as she stood, bones cracked and popped with the movement. It had been hours since she moved from the hard wooden chair. 

“Felix.” Byleth knew it was him before she even opened the door. 

“I saw the candlelight.” 

“Why are you awake?” 

“I could ask you the same thing. Didn’t you promise everyone you were going to get some rest?” 

“It’s not that late.” 

“It’s past midnight.” 

Goddess, she’d lost track of time. At that moment she stifled a yawn and rested against the doorframe, carding her fingers through her hair. “I hadn’t realized.” 

“You’ll be no use on the battlefield if you’re this tired. Please-” His voice cracked slightly, causing her to blink twice in the dim light. “I…..I mean we, don’t want to lose you.” 

Out of all her students, Felix perhaps has the best perception of how serious the situation at hand was. Her chest swelled, if her heart could beat she was sure it would be hammering against her ribcage like a sparrow in early spring. 

It’s instinctual, the way she reached for his hands. He scowled at her until her fingers squeezed his gently. They both shifted closer, hesitant in their movements. A pair of fawns, wide eyed and uncertain they lingered. 

It was Felix who made the final move, leaning forward with purpose as he pressed his lips against hers. A stark contrast from the uncertainty he’d displayed only moments before, he was confident and firm. One hand tangled in the hair at the back of her head and she couldn’t help but whine softly against his mouth. 

Words were never his strong suit. This was his way of trying to express his feelings, his affection and his worry for her without brash words dripping from his mouth to stain the moment. Her small hands gripped the front of his shirt as if she dear life, afraid that he might suddenly vanish from before her if she let go even the slightest bit. They became desperate, her lips parted as his tongue slipped into her mouth. Her body felt hot, breath came in shallow pants against his lips when they parted for only a moment. Pressed between Felix and her doorframe, halfway between the warmth of her room and the cool night air of the monastery was bliss. 

Even so, it was wrong. Though close in age, they were student and teacher. What trouble would they be in if someone were to catch them? Would it affect the standing of Felix’s house? She would be penalized, perhaps even fired. Return to the life of a mercenary, away from the students she’d grown to care for so much. 

“Felix, I-” 

“I know that I cannot not ask you for anything more.” His cheeks were flushed and his hair was messy. But his eyes were as sharp as ever with not a hint of regret. “But I have to know, do you feel the same?” 

Had she not conveyed it to him with her vice grip upon his vest or the way she so eagerly returned his kiss despite the consequences? Her cheeks were hot and it took her a moment to find her breath, finding his eyes in the dim light. “Yes. I do.” 

“Then promise me that you will no longer forgo your own health for what you believe is the benefit of your students.” Ever so gently he worked her fingers from his clothes and smoothed down the front of his vest. They both knew that this could not continue, not with their current positions. “You’d be of no help to any of us if you died. The dead have no purpose in war.” 

He took a step back and she instantly missed his warmth, though her keen mercenary ears could hear the sound of the night guards making their rounds. They’d be through the courtyard soon enough. 

“And Byleth?” His use of her first name caused the dusting of pink on her cheeks to escalate to bright red and through the darkness she could see that he was blushing brightly as well. “Don’t die. I’d like to do that again someday.” 

“I promise.” 

“Goodnight then.” 

“Goodnight.” 

He disappeared into the darkness and when she retreated back into her room she extinguished the candle and crawled into bed, thinking for the first time how much nicer it would be with another body tucked in beside her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to everyone that's following this story so far!! 
> 
> be sure to follow me on twitter @winryrockbae for updates.
> 
> my ko-fi is open for requests: https://ko-fi.com/berry013


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five years is a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has followed and supported this fic so far, I'm so thrilled to have people love it as much as you all are. 
> 
> I also realized as I wrote this chapter that I have no idea what the students really did during the five years.

** _ FELIX _ **

* * *

And then she was gone. 

One moment she was there helping to usher all of the students to safety with the intent to follow, and then she drew her sword. Felix had seen her rush towards the battle with the Sword of the Creator clenched in both hands. His own blade was drawn, footsteps redirected in an effort to tail her but before he was able to follow he was swept away in the crowd. Panicked students all jostling together in a terrified effort to evacuate. 

He had thought she would be fine. She always was. No matter what happened, she was able to face it with strength and ease. Even the snarling of the demonic beasts raging across the battlefield hadn’t truly been enough to worry him. Only when the stone wall crumbled and the white dragon let out a distressed shriek that echoed through the clash of swords did he feel his stomach drop. 

Even then, he held out hope that his professor would return. 

The students and professors had gathered in the woods to the east of the monastery, counting their losses or crying with relief when their friends appeared through the forest brush. The minutes ticked into hours as the Blue Lions waited, searching for that head of mint green hair. 

But it never appeared. 

There wasn’t time to mourn, not with the Empire’s troops marching their way. When the first line broke through the trees the survivors of Garreg Mach scattered. Four childhood friends didn’t get to utter a goodbye as they took off in different directions, it seemed as though without her no one remembered their battle formations. The safest place for those of noble birth was to return home, train with their family’s soldiers. The commoners were different, Mercedes and Annette disappearing together. Ashe had never met up with the rest. No one was quite sure what became of one another once the dust settled.

Metaphorically speaking, Felix dragged his feet on his way home. Taking a long, twisting path through Empire controlled villages and painting his blade red with the blood of the soldiers that dared to harm innocents for someone else’s cause. 

So rarely did Felix ever have a chance to feel human, between the killing and the exhaustion he felt from the constant movement. Despite his skill, he would stand no chance if the Empire decided to pursue him, or rather, if they caught up to him. Especially if his name got circled back to Edelgard. 

But he didn’t stop running his blade through the soldiers and the thieves who made their dens in the stolen homes of the Kingdom’s commoners. 

“You’re the swordsman.” 

Such a soft voice was an abnormality in his new life, traveling aimlessly with half a mind to return home while his chest would clench at the thought. She sounded almost like his lost professor and his heart skips with a hopeful stutter, until he turns and his gaze lands on her honey brown locks. 

“I am a swordsman.” His voice was gravelly, he hadn’t done much more than yell and growl in the past several days. Or had it been weeks? Time was fleeting. 

“I know.” The girl’s hands twisted into the dirty fabric of her dress. Her fingers were cut and bruised, cheeks that were probably once rosy were shallow and smeared with dirt. Her long hair was mousy and unkempt in a loose ponytail not unlike the one Mercedes used to wear. “You’re the one they talk about.” 

“What?” His question escaped him in a snarl, the girl licked her chapped lips and tensed. Her eyes darted to the side, revealing a small child watching through an empty doorway. 

“The swordsman that’s been taking out the Empire’s forces. They say he moves so fast that they can’t even see him coming.” 

It’s clear that she was frightened of him. But he wasn’t like the boar, he wasn’t a brutish excuse for a man. Felix pulled a rag from his pocket and ran it along the length of his blade to clean it before sliding it into his scabbard. Voice softened slightly. “I’m just passing through. They were in the way.” 

“Regardless, your skill is unmatched and you still saved us. Allow us to make you a meal before you move on.” 

The child got brave, he shuffled out from the doorway to hide behind his mother’s skirts. He peered up with big brown eyes, his features changing from frightened to admiring when he took in the man that his mother was showering with praise. 

“Like I said-” There was nothing honorable about what he had done, or anything about him to be praised. Besides, there had once been someone who had put his skill with the blade to shame. Would things be different, had she not fallen that day? When his thoughts turned to Byleth his expression grew dark, lips curved into a frown. “They were in the way. I must be going.” 

“I insist -” 

Felix turned on her then, teeth bared in a snarl as she got brave. He didn’t want anything from these people, they had so little left to give and he didn’t deserve it. He was killing because he wanted to. Not to be noble or to be fawned over as some savior. He didn’t care for anything other than coloring his blade crimson. At least, that was what he told himself. “Leave me be.” 

The woman and her child recoiled, the fear upon their features would have stung if it wasn’t what he had been aiming for. He didn’t want them to get caught up in the delusion that killing was the admirable thing to do. That there was an ounce of honor behind his actions. 

After the encounter with the commoner woman, he found himself going home. He’d already been far enough north that it only took another day of travel, trudging down the road. 

She occupied his thoughts. Everything he saw on the road reminded him of his fallen Professor. The fresh snow crunching under his feet sounded solemn, compared to the time they walked from the training grounds to the dining hall in the first snow. The distant hum of believers singing in a cathedral made him remember how she used to drag him to sing with her. His voice wasn’t great, and hers wasn’t much compared to Dorothea’s, but she held a tune with surprising skill. He’d kill to listen to her one more time. 

A few stray cats flit across his path and the swordsman crouched, rubbing his fingers together in an attempt to coax them towards him. But cruelty from humans had made them wary and they hissed at him before they disappeared into an alleyway. She used to love the monastery animals. He wondered if they were still there. Probably not. From the whispers he’d heard the entire place was in ruins. Thinking about it for too long caused his chest to tighten, despite his demeanor as a student he had enjoyed his time at the monastery. If he had known then what he knew now, he’d have cherished that time with his peers (and with her) far more. 

It’s only another half day before the Fraldarius estate comes into view and every fibre of Felix’s being prickled, he didn’t want to be here. But he had wandered enough, it was time to give up hope that he’d catch a glimpse of mint green hair on the battlefield. 

“Felix?!” His father greeted him with gusto, it was clear that the old man was relieved. He gathered Felix into a one sided hug. His face was ripe with emotion, overwhelmed with the fact that he hadn't lost his second son. “What took you so long to get back? I sent out search parties for you. Are you okay? Any injuries?” 

The fawning lasted too long and Felix shook his father off, sulking into his childhood home. His dirty shoes left footprints on the marble floors as he stalked upstairs. “I’m fine, Old Man. I’m just tired. Leave me be.” 

Rodrigue obeyed his son's wishes with a small scowl, a signature expression in the Fraldarius household. It was clear he had many more questions and much more unwanted affection to give. But a lifetime of coddling would never make up for what he had said after Glenn’s death. Never. 

Felix slept for nearly a week once he was locked away in his old bedroom. He had plans to wake up early every morning and train, to continue to better himself, but his body had other plans. Exhaustion took over in every form once his tired bones hit the mattress. It only made sense. He’d been wandering for a year. How was he supposed to care about the changing of time when there was nothing tying him to anything or anyone? She was gone. He didn’t know where his friends had disappeared to, his father was useless and his brother was dead. 

His rage turned to motivation after his week of rest, destroying the training dummies on the family’s grounds day after day. Until Ingrid reached out, it seemed as though she had kept tabs on all of their classmates, except for him. Sylvain had returned home, Mercedes was putting her skills as a healer to use, while Annette had returned to the school of sorcery. Ashe had been lost during the initial siege, but had turned up several months later in a Kingdom village, hiding out with his siblings. 

But the Boar had been taken. Set to be executed is what Ingrid had written, but Dedue had stepped in at the eleventh hour and at present it was only known that Dimitri was missing. It was clear that Rodrigue was distressed by the news, but Felix couldn’t be bothered to console him. 

“He’s probably out in the wilderness gnawing on an animal carcass.” He tossed the letter on the table between them, nose curling with disdain. Dedue had really sacrificed himself in the Boar’s stead? How many people would have to die for him? 

“Felix!” Rodrigue’s shock is unheard, Felix had already picked up his blade to retreat towards the training area. His introversion was worrisome, but not nearly as much as his method (or lack thereof) for dealing with loss. 

Time seems to drag by slowly, except when there is a skirmish on Fraldarius land. That’s when Felix felt himself truly come alive, the muscle memory of his spars with the professor waking up and cutting down enemy after enemy. Even after all the years without her, he can’t help but look around after each battle and expect her there with the Sword of the Creator in hand. Her cheeks flushed from the battle as she accounted for all her students. Oftentimes the only sound after a battle would be her melodic voice praising them or scolding Sylvain for being so reckless. Goddess, he missed her. 

“The millennium festival is coming up.” 

It’s a throwaway comment that his father made one morning, but it ignited something so strong in him that he stood abruptly from the table and knocked his chair halfway across the room. They all promised to meet. What if she was alive, and waiting? What if the others showed up and he was the only one who remained home like a sniveling child. 

“Felix?” 

“I have to go. We all made a promise, five years ago.” 

“Fodlan is at war, you can’t possibly expect-” 

“Don’t try to stop me. If no one is there, so be it. But I won’t wait around here wondering. I’m leaving today and taking a horse.” 

“I can’t condone this, you’ll be killed!” Rodrigue stood, voice rose at his youngest son who remained unbothered. 

“Don’t doubt me. I am not my brother.” As soon as he said it, Felix felt the sting of regret chasing his words. It was the truth, but watching his father’s face crumple was too much even for him. He had been far too cruel. “I won’t take a horse then.” 

It was as much of an apology as he could offer. He wasn’t one for taking things back, especially if he meant them. Rodrigue countered with several more weak protests, unable to sway his son to stay. 

“Take a horse, Felix.” 

“I’m no good at riding anyway.” 

“I should have taught you as a boy.” 

“Yeah, maybe.” 

The silence that lingered between them was long and full of unspoken apologies. Regrets on both sides along with the mutual understanding that they would never see eye to eye. But they were still family. 

“For now.” 

“Until you return.” 

So began the long trek back to Garreg Mach. He kept his teeth clenched and head down, though his blade tasted blood several times on the way to his old school. With each fight, he felt like he was accomplishing something. Perhaps it wasn’t much in the grand scheme of defeating the Empire but it did do something to soothe the ache of those that had been lost. 

A taste of repentance, perhaps. 

The air grew less frigid each day, warming up as he travelled from frozen Kingdom land towards that of the monastery. In the far off distance Felix could see the outlines of the spires, some collapsed from halfway up as their remains stretched hopelessly towards the sky. 

His footsteps were silent on the mossy ground, heart sinking with each step. It didn’t look like anyone had set foot in this place since the day it all happened. The closer he got, the air grew heavier and all sounds seemed to disappear into the moss and rubble. 

Then a clang of metal rang through the air. It was instinct mostly, he ran towards the noise without hesitation. But there was fury behind his actions too. Who dared to set foot on such sacred grounds on such a day? Surely there was nothing left to steal from the abandoned chambers. 

Lithe frame whipped around a corner, blade drawn as the thieves hidden within the ruins converged on someone in the middle. A head of messy blonde hair, the glow of a hero’s relic and the roar of a beast caught his attention first. 

Dimitri was alive, and so was she. 

Byleth hadn’t aged a day, hell she even had on the same clothes. And she was as dangerous as ever, blade flashing and extending to take out man after man charging towards her tiny frame. 

She was here, fighting alongside the boar as if she’d never been gone at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me on twitter @winryrockbae and make sure to yell at me to update my fics.
> 
> i also offer fic commissions, information is on my ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/berry013
> 
> Thank you all again for the support!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot can change in five years, but the a confession from a summer night five years prior remains.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is nsfw, my thank you for waiting so long for it!

** BYLETH **

Byleth noticed him right away and very nearly forgot where she was in her relief, before a man charged at her and she ran her blade through his belly. She had already convinced herself that Felix wasn’t going to return. 

Despite the clash of weapons in her face and the roar of Dimitri over the din of clanging metal, Felix was hard to miss. He burst into the battle like a raging storm, his crest and blade flashed violently among the ruins. Her chest tightened and a surge of emotions bubbled up her throat, regrettably she couldn’t dwell on them and pick them apart at present. Her weapon extended and retracted, movements became more frantic as she rushed to end the conflict. She had to get to him. 

The air around them was hot and humid, the night not so different than the summer night they shared five years ago. A confession in a door frame, inexperienced lips pressed together with unspoken words left between them. 

“Felix!” She called out to him, voice cracked and desperate. He couldn’t hear her and Byleth darted towards him, path cut off by a few men with rusty weapons and blackened teeth. Easy enough to dispose of, but impossible to ignore. Her reunion with Felix would have to wait. 

The rest of her former students appeared from the ruins with fierce battle cries and drove back the enemy with ease. The training she’d left them with had been a strong foundation, whatever they’d been doing her in five year absence had turned them from bright eyed students into hardened adults. Each of them had been a soldier on the front lines and when the last of the bandits disappeared into the darkness, yelping like injured mutts, the guilt hit her like a ton of stone. 

The reunion was bittersweet, the joy at being reunited was short-lived once Dimitri’s current state was revealed to them. They flooded her with questions, demanding to know where she went the day she went missing and how long she’d been holed up with the Prince. Annette and Mercedes were crying from both joy and sadness, arms interlocked as they fawned over her. It was nice to see that despite outward appearances and her former student’s hardened gazes, they were still the same people she’d lost on the battlefield five years ago. 

The trek back to Garreg Mach’s ruins was short, but filled with chatter amongst the group. Dimitri had ambled off ahead, growling that they were being far too loud. If he was talking about the new arrivals or the ones only he could see, Byleth wasn’t sure. Byleth found her gaze repeatedly drawn to Felix, who had his amber eyes focused unblinkingly on Dimitri’s back. 

She wasn’t sure what she’d been expecting from him. He wasn’t the type for grand gestures or anything like that. Perhaps she’d imagined some variation of him sweeping her off her feet in the middle of battle, her back bent and his bloodied hands tangled in her hair as all their want was poured into a single, adrenaline fueled kiss. Stupid. She’d read it in a story once. Things like that didn’t happen. Not to her, and definitely not with Felix. Maybe five years ago he’d been admitting feelings, confusing love as a schoolboy crush. The thought caused her chest to tighten uncomfortably and her steps faltered, normally graceful steps turned to a stumble and Sylvain threw his arm out to catch her. 

“Are you okay, Professor?” Always so concerned with everyone else, Sylvain’s brows knitted together as he gave her a once over as though he expected her to be gushing blood from an untended wound. 

“Yes, just tired. Thank you.” 

It wasn’t a lie, she’d been asleep in a river for five years. It wasn’t unheard of to be out of shape. Her muscles ached as they trudged back through the overgrowth and the mud, Garreg Mach looming before them, looking like a skeleton of its former self. They reached the gates and they started to branch off, Sylvain and Ingrid headed towards the stables with their mounts. Ashe, Mercedes and Annette scurried off to the kitchen to scavenge something for them all to eat for dinner. There had been a few murmured concerns over what Dimitri had eaten in his time there, but no one wanted to think about it too long. No matter the answer, it was bound to turn their stomachs. 

Dimitri had disappeared before the group had reached the gate and Byleth wandered over the bridge to the Cathedral. His looming form stood before the rubble, the open space was filled with his growls and whispers to the ghosts that clawed at him. Angry assurances and pained hisses to those that had left before their time, the guilt filled him up until he was no longer the kind Princeling from five years prior. He was filled to the brim with regret and hatred, a volatile monster that could snap at any time. She needed to be there with him, to try and save him. She slid into a seat in a back pew, the same spot as always and watched the Prince’s shoulders shudder in his distress.

“Five years.” Felix’s voice was sharp. Up front, Dimitri prickled but didn’t turn around when the swordsman took a seat next to Byleth. “You were gone for five years.” Felix’s features were twisted in anger, though it didn’t reach his eyes. He looked at her like an abandoned puppy, gaze desperate for answers as he snarled at her under his breath. “And then you turn up here with a monster on a leash.” 

“Felix, I — ” 

“I thought you were dead.” His voice cracked and he snapped his gaze forward, perhaps afraid that if he kept looking at her it would happen again. “I looked everywhere for you, searched the entire monastery from top to bottom. Everyone was gone. There was blood everywhere and I had no way of knowing if it was yours. How could you just — you just left.” 

“I didn’t do it on purpose.” A pause. Dimitri had taken to pacing along the rubble and Byleth watched him as she spoke. “I fell. When the cliff collapsed I went down with it. Everything went black and then just the other day I woke up in the river. I don’t even fully understand it.” 

“I still mean what I said.” Felix stood and circled around the back of the pew. His footsteps were nearly silent, voice just barely above a whisper. In a flurry of movement that was far too quick Byleth spun in her seat, arm lashed out to grab his vest. The fabric was smooth under her fingers, her grip tightened when he looked down at her in surprise. The two of them froze, the only sounds in the church were Dimitri’s heavy footsteps and the occasional clanking of his armor. “All those years ago. I still mean it. I never stopped meaning it.” He was softer than she’d ever seen him, brows pulled gently together as his gloved hand found hers. There was a moment of uncertainty between them, his hand wrapped around her smaller one. Her breath was caught in her chest as she awaited his next action, would he rip her away or pull her closer?

“Felix.” She breathed out his name like a hymn, reverent in the sacred space of the decrepit cathedral. His fingers found hers, tracing the delicate bones of her hands as he stood over her. 

A choking noise broke through the silence like shattering glass, the two of them leapt apart like frightened animals. Two pairs of eyes, one amber and one mint turned towards the feral Prince who was staring at them with a mixture of disgust and intrigue, frame poised like a hungry wolf. Now wasn’t the time for this, they had other responsibilities to attend to, other things that needed to take precedence. Gently, Felix pried her fingers from his clothing and smoothed down the front of his vest. “I’ll look after him tonight. You go and get some rest.” 

That was how it began, their daily exchange of the watch. Between gathering allies, skirmishes and keeping an eye on the Prince, they didn’t have even a moment of time to spend with one another. For days they were nothing but lingering gazes and soft brushes of fingers, aching to curl into one another and forget the world. Even for a moment. But it was never the time. They had obligations, frivolous feelings had no place in war. 

“How was he?” Felix trudged up the cathedral steps, it was only early afternoon and the air around them was hot. Ingrid and Sylvain had already complained and Byleth had watched sweat drip off Dimitri all morning. A damp towel was draped over Felix’s broadened shoulders as he ran the corner over his face. It was clear that he had just left the training grounds, sweat glistened on his skin and his cheeks were flushed from exertion, bun messier than usual. 

His question was left unanswered, the sounds of the monastery being rebuilt sounded so far off as she watched him approach her. Most of his layers had been shed and folded over his arm, his muscled and scarred arms revealed in an unusual display. Something changed then, it hung between them in the thick summer air, humming in tandem with the cicadas. A secret moment for just the two of them in the shadow of the cathedral’s pillar, bodies pressed tight against each other as their lips crashed together for the second time. This time they were desperate and almost frenzied, tearing at one another in the hidden space they’d found for themselves. Byleth pulled Felix’s hair from his bun, he shoved her against the pillar. They were ravenous, all teeth and hot skin, warm breath mingling as they pulled apart to gulp air down into their lungs. Still inexperienced, but too wanting to care about the knocking of teeth or sharp bites to the other’s lips. The air had been hot before, but between the two of them it felt as though they were back in Ailell. They pulled apart, savoring the taste of the other on their lips. Byleth could feel Felix’s heart thumping against his chest, beating wildly against his ribcage as he rested his forehead on her shoulder. Her arms slid up his sides, linking behind his back and holding him close. Vaguely she wondered when was the last time someone held him like this, let him relax in their arms and wordlessly told him that he wasn’t alone. 

Footsteps on the stairs alerted them to a new presence and reluctantly they drew away from one another, sticky with sweat and cheeks flushed pink. Their breathing was perhaps the only thing that gave them away to Sylvain’s practiced eye, one look between them and they could see him fit the pieces together in his mind. Byleth was waiting for it, the inevitable teasing, she could feel Felix starting to prickle defensively next to her as Sylvain crossed his arms behind his head. But it never came. Sylvain had more sense than most people gave him credit for. 

“The two of you have been working overtime, supervising our Prince.” He started, one hand coming to rest casually on his hip. “The rest of us talked and we decided to give you a little break, some time to go wash off and take care of any other  —” His features quirked into an amused smirk, “responsibilities.” 

“Sylvain. Don’t be stupid.” Felix snapped, already wrapping his hair back into it’s signature bun. 

“Has the temperature today exacerbated your temper, Fe?” Sylvain handled Felix in a way unlike any other, his demeanor would both ignite and extinguish Felix’s temper in a matter of seconds. It was amusing to watch, to say the least. There probably wasn’t another person alive who understood Felix as well as Sylvain, which made Byleth realize something important as she looked between the two men. Sylvain must have known about Felix’s feelings, he was working to push the two of them together. Honestly, she doubted that he had brought it up to any of the others, he was probably working alone in the hopes that his best friend and former professor might squeeze a little joy out of life before they marched upon the Empire. 

“Sylvain, I swear you’re—” 

“Felix, just thank him. I don’t know about you but I could use a break for sure.” Byleth turned to leave, offering a murmured thank you to Sylvain that held more weight than just taking over the Dimitri watch. “Come on, we can go get dinner. You were training, you must be hungry.” She grabbed Felix’s sleeve and led him away before Sylvain’s teasing could nudge at his temper any more. 

“I’m not hungry.” 

“You need to take care of yourself.” She led him towards the dining hall, bustling with activity. It hadn’t taken long for word of her survival to spread and their allies from all over were converging upon Garreg Mach. 

“I will.” His fingers ensnared her wrist, his pace quickened and he led her past the dining hall towards the dormitories. The Monastery was filling up, but wasn’t nearly as busy as it had been in her days as a professor and no one crossed paths with them on the way. Her questions were ignored, his face set in determination. He was on a mission, nothing would steer him from the path he was on until he reached his destination, which turned out to be Byleth’s room. She’d had a faint idea of what he was thinking, but as they both slipped in the door and locked it behind them she knew. Now that he had gotten this far, his inexperience gave way to insecurity and uncertainty. Without hesitation she took the lead, tugging him further into the room by the fabric of his shirt. Eagerly he followed her, his hands found her hips and squeezed. 

Byleth wasn’t totally inexperienced in this area, but Felix was different than the men before. She’d spent the night with them out of lust, a night of drinking ale in the pub and sneaking off when Jeralt’s back was turned. Sloppy and carnal, she couldn’t even remember their faces. But this, she wanted to remember this forever. The slight furrow in Felix’s brow as he anticipated his next action, the taste of salt on his skin when she trailed her lips down his neck and earned an aroused groan. He seemed content to follow her lead, without resistance she tugged him over to the bed and perched on the edge. 

She regretted not pulling him down with her, noting how he stood awkwardly, just far enough away that she had to stretch to reach for him. “Felix—,” Byleth started, only to be cut off as he surged forward with confidence and pushed her down against the mattress. It was similar to the determination he showed at the training grounds, lunging forward with determination and a clear line of sight to his next move. He was inexperienced, sure, but he wasn’t letting it give way to nerves. 

It was stuffy in the bedroom, but comfortable enough with a breeze that blew in through the open window. Their skin didn’t burn when they pressed against one another or when Byleth yanked Felix’s shirt over his head and tossed it aside. Following her lead, he deftly rid her of her corset, breath catching in his chest as she lay topless before him. 

“I— I’ve never done this before.” He admitted, fingers trailing from her ribs to the curve of her breasts. She twitched under his touch, shivering and writhing underneath of him, an unspoken plea for him to touch her. 

“It’s okay. Don’t be nervous.” She took him by the wrists and pulled his palms to her chest, arching into him and gasping as he gave her nipple an experimental tweak. Her reaction assured him of his action and he lowered his head, swiping his tongue across her neck, hands kneading and squeezing her chest. “Ah! That’s good.” A word of praise did wonders for him, she felt his confidence spike as he brought his head down to her chest and caught one of the rosy peaks between his lips. Her keens grew louder, hips grinding up towards him. She remembered how it felt when the bar-men took her back to their rooms at the inn, got her just wet enough to fuck and then pounded her into the mattress for fifteen minutes. Already Felix was leagues ahead of them, the wetness between her legs had her grabbing at him and pulling him onto her frame, dragging his mouth to hers and sliding her tongue between his lips. Their teeth knocked together once before they got into a rhythm, each of them getting comfortable, shoes kicked off and clothes tossed to the floor. 

She was naked before him and he looked at her as if she were a divine being. Wide eyed and breathless he grabbed her by the jaw and crushed his lips against hers, two fingers sliding into her heat. All of those years listening to Sylvain’s raunchy stories was paying off, the experimental crook of his middle finger had her choking on her breath. The sudden intrusion caught her by surprise and she yelped into his mouth, hips grinding against his hand as her nails scraped down his shoulder blade. He hissed at the pain, working her faster with his fingers as she felt an almost familiar heat curl in her belly. 

“Fuck. Felix.” There was a clinking of metal as she shifted to undo his belt, snapping it open and shoving his pants down his thighs as far as she was able with him pinning her down. “Please. I want you.” Her hips were raised into his fingers wantonly, when his thumb circled her clit her entire frame shuddered and she whined. The noise surprised even her, she hadn’t expected him to draw such a sound from throat, and from the surprise upon his features he hadn’t either, but he liked it. Again he swiped his thumb over the little bundle of nerves, lips lowered to his chest as he caught a nipple between his teeth. “I’m going to— going to…” She wasn’t able to even finish her sentence before the pressure that had been building up was released like the snap of a band, frame writhing underneath him as her wetness coated his fingers. It was almost embarrassing, to be undone so quickly, but she was too high off the pleasure to care. 

The confidence boost was enough for Felix to shove off his trousers without reservation, he pushed her thighs apart aggressively as she started to come back down from the waves of pleasure that had her seeing spots. “Are you ready?” His voice was soft and tight, the only thing that was betraying his nerves. Slowly he brought his fingers to his mouth and sucked her wetness off of them, watching her expectantly for an answer. 

“I’ve been ready for you for a while.” She assured him, cheeks burning as she watched him taste her, one leg hooking over his hip as he tentatively guided himself inside. He felt the pleasure right away, he bowed his head and grit his teeth, a groan slipping past his lips as he sheathed himself fully inside of her. They’d waited so long for this moment, danced around feelings for years and spent time apart. They were in the middle of a goddamn war, but they would always have this. Bodies pressed together, breaths panted out with sweet nothings, neither of them were overly talkative outside the bedroom, so it was normal that trait would carry over. They let their actions speak for them, a caress there or a lovebite there. 

Byleth couldn’t get enough of him, both legs wrapped around his hips, arms around his frame and nails scraping down his back as she drew him in for kiss after kiss. His pace was to be expected for his first time, a bit erratic and almost rabbit-like, until he would feel his orgasm sneaking up on him and he would slow down and focus on her hardened nipples. Admittedly, it took them a short while to find a rhythm, but once they did the pleasure had them both gasping and moaning, showering the other with incoherent praise as Felix sheathed himself within her. He huffed and grabbed the backs of her thighs, pushing her legs up towards her chest and pushing himself as deep as he was able to as she tossed her head back and nearly screamed his name. He was so deep, hitting a sweet spot with every carefully calculated thrust. She could feel the pressure building again and her fingers twisted tightly into the sheets in an effort to hold on and resist the orgasm that was rapidly building in her lower belly. 

“Byleth.” He said her name under his breath, over and over again as if he had forgotten any and all other words. He spoke it as if it were the only thing that mattered and she responded by giving his wrist a gentle squeeze. His thrusts grew faster, hair released from it’s bun and framing his sharp features in wild waves. Briefly she wondered if he knew how beautiful he was, though she knew she shouldn’t voice that thought — especially not right then. He slammed himself into her then, cock buried deep within her when he came, she could feel the warmth spreading through her and the feeling of him spilling inside of her had her toppling over the edge of pleasure right alongside him. 

It took them several minutes to catch their breath, a tangle of sweaty limbs and messy hair basking in the afterglow. Felix was leaking out of her onto the bedsheets and she could still feel the faintest waves of pleasure. 

“So now what?” In typical Felix fashion he was already a step ahead, eager for answers and just a touch tonedeaf. 

“Now we rest together.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for sticking with my through my hiatus, i hope i haven't lost too many of you with the delay in getting this chapter out!


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